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My dramatic Life....and then someLoving my family...as it grows!! |
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August 18 38 Days and COUNTINGnot to say that I am in a hurry to be done with this pregnancy, but I can't wait to meet my little baby....the one who always head butts me in the croch and runs her feet accross the front of my belly and is always pushing on my bladder so that I have the urge to pee, but can't get it all out! She is very responsive to sound now, and so active. I can feel every little movement and see it too! I am all baby this time around, thankfully, and not really retaining ny water or gaining any weight other then in my belly and legs (top half)......so needless to say I am happy.
I will post a picture here for you to see what I mean lol.
SEE ALL BELLY............ LMAO!!!!
Anyway, been real busy organizing and decluttering the house before baby gets here. And now we are looking at purchasing a new laptop for my use. Mainly so that I can be on the computer upstairs with the kids and keep a close eye on them, plus when we are out or away we can still have internet, and it will be great for the hospital stay too emails and pictures of baby when she arrives, and watch DVD's instead of renting the hospital TV at $45 a day. All is looking good I think
I know I have dialated already, because I have had allot of the pain associated with that area, and have been through this 3 times previously lol. My colestrum is in already and rarg to go!
Liam is now potty training and with any luck, will be fully capable before the baby comes. he's doing AWESOME too. I just have to break him of the night time bottle and diapers now, but through the day he wears only underwear, even when we go out all day long, and so far hasn't had any accidents! All of the girls back to school shopping is done now (phew) and we are just waiting for te 8th of September to roll around. I think they are both bored and ready for school now! Next week I will be taking care of thier dance registration for the year. Kaylee has decided to take Jazz this time and Alyssa would like to do Ballet again. So exciting!
Here are some pics of my other girlfriends son Ethan James who was born on July 30th by c-section
Well I have a butt load of things to do now, but I will show some pics of the kids bedrooms here too before I go. 6 monthes later, and I FINALLY go them done (with no thanks to my husband though) Did it all by myself!!! Including move the furniture LOL
Ciao for now!!! July 29 58 DAYS AND................Counting! I am so ready for this pregnancy to be done with, but in the same sense I am trying my absolute damndest to enjoy every bit of it, because I know this is my last shot at it. I know I will miss the movement inside of me and the nightly hiccups lol. However I am so eager to see my precious little girl and hold her for the first time in my arms, not my stomache. I like to sit on the couch at night with my snack and fell her squirm around in there. She especially likes cereal and fruit for her snack before bed. But when I want to get comfy and go to sleep, it takes me forever to find a comfy position and nod off. I have been experiencing allot of Braxton Hicks lately, and getting more discharge and "vaginal cramps/ shooting pains" which I am certain is my cervix dialating already. I dialated early with Alyssa and Liam, so I am positive it won't be much different this time around. My energy level has also fallen off allot in the recent days. I am dead tired and moving extremely slow because of the discomfort and lack of zest! Mind you I did overdo it with the gardening two days in a row......which I am now kicking myself in the ass for, but it had to be done. Now I am in the midst of making lists for things to pack for the hospital, things that need to be done before baby gets here, things that will need to be done when I am in the hospital, and stuff we need to buy for the back to school shopping. I am a dilligent 'list' administrator around here....you kind of have to be, otherwise everything goes to hell! And Chris doesn't really have a clue as to what the schedule is on a daily basis with the kids, nor does he know school commencement time and dismissal lol. So much to do and so little time.
So Aimee finally had her precious little Jaxton! He was born on Tuesday July 22 at 7:27pm and weighed 7lbs 4.5 oz and was 19 3/4" long. He is gorgeous and I am so happy for Aimee and Kenny!!!!!!! Congraulations to my best friend and the start of her new journey in Motherhood!!!! You are AWESOME
Today my other friend Jessica has gone in to have a cervicor done (to induce labour) and I wish her all of the best as well. She is actually due August 1st, but due to sever water retention and discomfort for her, plus the fact tha the long weekend is right around the corner and she didn't want to have her baby on the holiday, the doctor thought it would be best to help her out and get things under way. So I am waiting for a phone call to let me know the update.
As for Chris and myself......well funny story. We have been experiencing allot of up's and down's recently, but I think we may finally be getting somewhere. Today he put his wedding band back on, and has been very social with me. He is calling home from work again, to check in and see how I am. And he is trying to be a littel more helpful with things around the house. I had him go to the doctors a week ago, and have some blood work drawn to check for a B12 defficiency and I guess his doctor got a little rude with him about it. Asking him why he would think that's his problem and where his wife got her medical degree from in order to assume that would be a problem. it turns out I was right! He is very low in the B12 and is now taking supplements in order to help give him more energy, a better mood and pull back a bit on the anemia too. You see this idea came to me after researching it on the net.......he doesn't eat chicken or fish..EVER, and gets a limited amount of sleep at night, and he also bleeds allot with a minor scratch. He suffers from depression and irritability all of the time, and can be quite unbearable to live with. So I came up with B12 and the possibility that he could need shots or a boost of it. Since he began taking his supplements, his attitude has changed, and he is beginging to get back to the old Chris.....i just hope it stays this way. I also have him going to see an allergist to better indicate what exactly he is allergic to so we can face the problem head on instead of allowing his stupid and unproffessional doctor, to continusously dope him up on antihistamines and conflicting medications, which wear him out and make him suffer from sleep apnia. So wish us luck on that too!
Anyway I had better go and get something pulled out of the freezer for supper. I'll update again soon though............. July 17 Ok I am back and raring to go!!!So I have been on a hiaitus,if you will, for a while and have had some time to prioritize my life and get my shit together.
For the most part Chris and I have worked out our problems (or at least it seems) and I have been relativley happy. We still have our bad days, but things are getting better. He just needs to learn to stop and think about things that are hurtful, before he says them, and quit bringing up the past too. But I will give him credit...he is trying to improve on those things. I have changed a few things that bother him as well, and I think as long as we meet eachother half way, everything will be fine.
So much has happened since my last entry that I don't even know where to begin lol. My sister got married!!! And even though the day started out horribly, everything else seemed minor and pretty good! She looked beautiful and the hall was gorgeous!
Chris just finished up 2 weeks of holidays, which we didn't really do a whole lot, but it was just nice to have some family time. We went to the Beach, and the waterpark, played around the house on the quad runner he bought for them (and himself) and we went to my sisters house allot to use the pool! I guess we made out alright all things considered. Lack of cash tends to put a damper on things......
THE PARK................
THE QUAD RUNNER
I finished the nursery....FINALLY
AND my wonderful, best friend, did a pregnancy photo shoot with me yesterday.....and all I can say is WOW!!!! She did an amazing job and I look pretty incredible lol
So I think that about covers it for now.........there is allot I left out, but I promise to bring you all up to speed ASAP. Right now I have to mosey off to the powder room, for about the millionth time today lol. I can say in closing, that I am good, and I am grateful, and I LOVE my life! June 23 I am taking a break for a while.....cuz I really think I need some time for just me. No more venting about my shitty life and all of the fucking drama in it. I am giving up the whole holding on to a marriage that's not really worth saving. I seem to be the only one putting any effort forth, and I am beating myself up about everything. I just want to be happy, and I need to find a way to do that, so if you don't hear from me for a while, you'll know why. June 18 Well well well..................here it has been like another 2 weeks since I made an update lol. Time is just whirling by me it seems, and really I can't say that I am busy with a whole lot, just in a slump of depression and not caring to update :(
I have been battling some severe depression lately, and I can honestly say that it's not 100% because of my hormones and this pregnancy, in fact allot of it is because all I do is fight with my husband, never spend any time alone with him, and I am trapped in a house all day, every day with kids. I don't have a life of my own, and I am certainly doomed to be being relied upon by another human being for at least another 18 years!
I honestly can't take the fighting anymore and I feel so unappreciated and distant from Chris. He I am sure feels unappreciated also, but NOT at all in the same ways I do, not to say that my feelings are more important, but we have been at eachothers throats ever since we found out that I am expecting. And I hate to say it, but it's getting worse. I have had the finger pointed at me, blaming me for getting pregnant on purpose (which I might point out is NOT the case at all), and I thought we were finally over that, but it seems like everything else has become a problem. Like I am not allowed to be tired, moody, or feel like shit, nor am I suppose to be able to go out with my friends, it's always me and one or two or all three of the kids. I don't get asked by my husband to do anything together......because he always seems to want to be out in the garage, out in the yard, at the carwash working or on his bike. Last weekend he went to Port Dover all day Friday, and I of course had to stay at home and watch the kids, then Friday night was my Relay for Life, which I had to take both of the girls to. Now yes, he was home in time to look after Liam, but he can't say that I had MY TIME alone or out with my friends because that wasn't the case at all.
Now this weekend he has made plans to go out all day Saturday with his buddies on his bike for a Poker Run, and not once did I get asked if I'd like to go. He just assumed that I would be fine with staying at home all day with the kids. MUST BE FUCKING NICE! I wish I could have a social life other then the telephone too. And if he dare bring up the fact that I have baby showers to go to or my sisters wedding stuff coming up, and that's my time, I am going to fucking snap.
Since when is it that I can just hop in my truck and leave him home all day, every weekend, by himself with three kids? HMMMMMM............................NEVER.
I just can't take this shit anymore, talking turns into yelling, and so on and so on. You see, HE works TWO jobs and pays all of the bills, so he should be able to do what he wants and I shouldn't have a problem with it. He's home for maybe three hours of the day with us, and yet all of that time is spent telling us to be quiet or yelling at his kids. The tension is horrible! But you see, I work two days a week, bring the kids with me to work 98% of the time, raise our kids by myself, listen to screaming and fighting and whining all day long everyday, constantly clean in a vicious circle, cook three meals a day, make a school lunch, get Kaylee off to school every morning, wash everybodies laundry, do the grocery shopping and take the kids to dance, do homeowrk with Kaylee, bath them every night by myself, get them ready for bed, tuck them in at night, and then listen to them fight back and forth or cry for about an hour, and then when all is said and done, it's like 9:30 or 10 at night. Then I have dishes to do, more cleaning, and myself to get ready for bed. But I guess I am suppose to be up waiting at midnight or later for my husband to come home so that I can perform my wifely duties to him as well. Basically I am a SINGLE mother. And I am suppose to be attracted to a man whom I rarely see, and when I do see him all he does is give attitude, yell and scream, look for something to bitch about "not being done right" and doesn't have ANY interest in me or spending time with me, because he'd rather be out on his bike with his buddies or doing something away from home, away from me and his family.
I am ready to have a nervous break down....seriouisly. And he's the one that said that today because Liam was bugging him, but maybe he should put himself in my shoes for a moment. I would love to go to work full time everyday, just for the social interaction with adults! So what if I had to support my family...there are far worse things in the world then having to support your family and spend time with them and appreciate all of them and the fact they are even there. I honestly don't even know why I am still here? I can't come up with a good reason to stay together, aside from the fact that I don't want my kids to come from a broken home. I feel so alone, so sad, so unsure of what the future holds........but at this point in time it looks pretty bleak. I don't even know what to say to him anymore, because it will just start another fight. Becasue then I am just being selfish...........I don't know :( |
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